My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
