This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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