Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she told me i tasted like america
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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