You're my little dorito
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
