this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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