just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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