This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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