i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
