My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hate all girls vehemently.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
