meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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