The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
