Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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