I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
