Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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