So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
