I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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