I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
