Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
