So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
