I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
