1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
