you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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