I think i peed on brittanys purse
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize