My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
