I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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