y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
