I'm jealous of your bromance
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Your penis caused this!
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