me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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