every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize