She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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