she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
