When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
