just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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