i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
