I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
