Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
