I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
