JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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