Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
