Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
