i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
