I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
