She said her name was "party"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
