When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
