dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
