Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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