i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
