So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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