So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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