New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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