i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
