fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude i'm inner monologue high
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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