We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
