just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
