thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
