literally had 100 drinks last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
