Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
