I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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