Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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