im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
