I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
