eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
this is an emotional support booty call
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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