Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
