I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
