Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
