my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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