We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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