Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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