i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
