Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
