I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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