I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
