yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
