Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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